And to confuse matters further, we get messages like "Be
more confident" all the time - as if this thing called
"confidence" is the solution to fear (and in this case,
fear of women).

I dealt with this issue personally for several years.

If I was out and saw a woman that I wanted to meet, I
would get instantly nervous and fearful. I had no idea what
to say or do, and it would LOCK ME UP.

I decided that the problem I was dealing with was my "low
confidence", so I set to work to gain more.

I assumed that if I could get more confidence in myself,
that my fear and nervousness would go away, and I would be
able to just walk up and start conversations without any
problem at all.

After reading several books on the topic, and trying all
kinds of things to raise my confidence level, I WAS STILL
HAVING THE PROBLEM.

Around this same time, I was getting to know a lot of
guys who were successful with women. I found something
VERY interesting: Many of the guys who are good with women
still get nervous when they approach them! They have just
learned how to manage that little biological nervousness
and get on with what they want to do in the situation.

This was a major revelation to me.

Just realizing this allowed me to think from a new
perspective. It also made it "all right" for me to go and
approach women, even though I was still getting nervous.

And, by approaching a lot of women, I became very
familiar with the situations, which led to my nervousness
getting less and less...

All of these things led me to a personal realization:

FOR ME, IT WASN'T ABOUT GETTING MORE CONFIDENCE, IT WAS
ABOUT REDUCING MY INSECURITY.